War Paint

Visible, unwarranted and painful, blemishes are unwelcome pests. Nevertheless, these superfluous skin irritations do inspire ingenious prevention cures. As a rule, the toothpaste trick has become a convenient and favourite household treatment for those untimely red marks. Well, until recently.

A friend kindly let me in on her secret miracle method, Sudocrem. Yes you heard me correctly. Most commonly associated with nappy rashes, this thick and opaque wonder can diminish an angry red outbreak whilst you sleep. Mind you, you will need to cover the so-called areas in dollops of cream before bed, which is perhaps not advisable for new-found night-time interests. However, for those long time enduring partners, I’m sure you can advise them to look the other way whilst you submerge your face in an uninviting covering of ointment and get into bed.

Let’s face it, these imperfections need to be dealt with but in my opinion in the comfort of your own home and not whilst in full view of strangers. Unfortunately for me, I have now witnessed two occasions on my tube journey home where women have covered a blemish with a substantial amount of thick white cream. This bespattering of lotion undoubtedly screams Look At Me, which is perhaps bizarre when you think that their initial intention was to cure the affected area so as not to be seen.

Now, I understand the tube is not a place of normality. Only the other day, I endured, admittedly with some amusement, a woman listening to her headphones and singing sporadically whilst flailing her arms in the air and pelvis thrusting towards poor unsuspecting older gentlemen on their journey home from work.

Ok, I digress but we have all experienced some form of oddity on this method of public transport. However, I feel you wouldn’t parade your dirty laundry in public places, so please keep your pimple war paint treatment for the privacy of your own home, it is somewhat unsightly.